and Sexuality

road-vertThis is very personal and I’m going to try to deal with it in a respectful and tasteful way. I guess the best way to do this is start out nice and easy and get more complex as we go. I’m pansexual. This means I love pans, especially cast iron pans. Ok, while that is true, pansexual really means that the gender of the person really doesn’t matter. I find that I am attracted to men, women, people who are neither, and people who are both. Now, you might say this sounds like being bisexual and honestly, I have yet to find a real difference between bisexual and pansexual. I think it has more to do with perception of the words than any actual difference. This is why I usually say I’m bi.

My bisexuality seems to fluctuate. I always find both male and female bodies attractive, but sometimes, I’m thinking about guys almost all the time. Other times, I’m thinking about women. A legitimate question here is, do I find trans men and trans women attractive? I do, there is no question about that. I have seen some very attractive and sexy looking trans men and women. Right now, I’m dating a cis woman, this doesn’t make me any less bi. Why?  Because I’m still attracted to both. Also, I’m dating a cis man, but that is not why I’m still bi. Also, I’m in a period where women are on my mind a lot. Still bi, still attracted to men.

To make things more interesting, while I am attracted to physical bodies, I’m sapiosexual. Arrgh, another sexuality!  My poor brain can’t take it. Right?  This one is pretty easy. It simply means that I’m attracted to intelligence. There is no bigger turn on for me than stimulating conversation. Ok, not quite, the single biggest turn on for me is physical contact, but intelligent conversation is a close second. Also, you’re not likely to get into the position to touch me in a way that will turn me on without having had some good conversation first.

Of course, that’s not all. I’m also a demisexual. I have to form an emotional bond before I’ll let you get close to me. I have had sex without a relationship and it was ok, but not really what I like. Sex with someone I love is so much better than with someone I know little about. When there is that emotional bond, everything is just so much better.

I’m not yet sure if I am polyamorous. That is, do I prefer to be in multiple relationships at the same time. The idea is interesting and, if done right, seems like a way to get all of your needs met. I’m trying it to see if it is something that appeals to me. If it isn’t, then it isn’t. I don’t see where I lost anything.

So, summing up these two posts, I am definitely a transgender woman who is pansexual, both demisexual and sapiosexual,  and into kink. All this with a possibility of being polyamorous. Now you have a better understanding of where your humble blogger is coming from when she talks about sex and sexuality and some of the more unusual aspects of both. And, hopefully, opens up others to talk about sex and sexuality.

Sex …

hand-cuffs-vertI’m going to talk about sex  and hopefully give some insight to how this all works with trans women. Sex for a trans woman can be difficult and uncomfortable. Much more so than with cis people. I don’t know much about how it works for trans men or the gender fluid, so I won’t be talking about them at all. I’m sure it’s not easy for them, but I don’t know details and I can’t speak from experience. I would love to know more about both and I’d love to see more written about sex with those who do not fit the current gender norms.

I am kinky. I love being kinky, though I have not had much experience with it yet. The play with power fascinates me and quite frankly I have dreamed of being tied up for quite some time. One of the difficulties in my current relationship is being with a submissive when I tend to submission myself. I’m having to rethink how I have sex and I think that it will be good for me. I’m working on being less submissive overall and more dominant in all aspects of my life. Becoming more dominant in bed is just a part of how my whole life is going. Becoming more confident and assertive in general should help with becoming more assertive in bed.

Toys can be fun. I haven’t played with anything other than a cheap vibrator, but it’s still good. You would think that it wouldn’t do much with my current genitals, but you’d be wrong. The vibrator still feels pretty good with my bits. Plus, there is the using them on others that can be lots of fun. And let’s not forget masturbation. Even that can be fun, though I’ve mostly used it to simply meet a need. Usually, by the time I masturbate, it really becomes all about getting off. Which is fine, but I think it could be so much more. Masturbating others can be great fun as well.

I know I haven’t talked about techniques, but I haven’t had much experience with them. There are a few that I want to try, but haven’t gotten around to that yet. It’s sad that there is so little out there about how we have sex. I leafed through ‘Fucking Trans Women’ and it looks alright. It seems to be the most comprehensive guide for having sex with a trans woman that I’ve found. Honestly, you just need to explore this ground yourself. Even for cishet people, there really is no map, only some guidelines. Hopefully, one day we will have some good guidelines and advice.

Next week is the other half of this. I talk about sexuality!  Of course, I can only really present my own thoughts and feelings on sexuality. Until then, be good to yourself!

The Seventh Principle

Last of the UU Principles. Not exactly sure what is next, but there will be something, I promise.

The Seventh Principle is “Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.” I think this one is the most interesting. Others are more compelling or require more change than this one. This one neatly ties back to the First Principle and bookends the set very nicely. The Seventh Principle is the First Principle writ large, the First Principle restated for the whole planet.

The best part of this Principle is the interdependent web. There is this odd notion in the US that everyone is completely independent. That things that I do affect no one else. It seems to me the reverse is true, there  is little I can do that doesn’t affect others. From where I shop to what I eat, from my political thoughts to the church I attend; they all affect others in some way. Where I shop is easy, same for what I buy. What I eat determines, in small part, what foods are grown. My political thoughts become my actions at the polls, will determine the letters I write, and how I influence others. What church I attend seems to be a really little thing compared to all that. But, that is one of the biggest. That determines who I’m around and who I influence and am influenced by. It determines which doctrine I subscribe. The choice of church reflects and changes my values.

Now, what about the second part of it?  What is Kaylee going to say about that?  And more importantly, why is she referring to herself in the third person?  The answer to the last is that because she’s crazy, the first two will come with time. We are all part of the same reality, the same existence. Each of us is but a part of that reality. You, me, Joe down the street, people all over, animals all over, and every thing on this planet and beyond. Yes, I am an bit of an animist. Everything has a piece of the Holy Spirit, if it didn’t, it wouldn’t exist.

Combining the two, everyone and everything that exists is connected. The web is huge, for me, I see it as the Holy Spirit, but what it is called isn’t as important as realizing that everything we do affects everything else. The ripples for some actions are small and barely felt, yet for others, it is huge and affects much of our reality.

We are also co-creators of our reality. This implies a responsibility to others as we help create their reality. It is our duty to make sure that the reality we are helping to create for others takes their needs, as well as our own, into account. This is what I think this Principle really means, what its core is, and all of the Principles.